You are my treasured companion, and light the flame that affords me joy. Oh, sure, I’ve flirted with a Bic, Cricket, or even a match to achieve the climax, but those trollops lack class. and finesse. The faint taste of lighter fluid that you leave on my lips curls them into a devious smile while I hum under my breath—Mmmmmmmmm. The soft “Click” when I expose your secret, and the powerful “SNAP” when I flip my wrist to quell the moment gives me a sense of satisfaction like no other. You understand the passion of my touch, and obey my desire. I understand that you require constant attention, and I’m alright with that. I usually don’t go for the high maintenance type, but you’re worth it. If I neglect to fill you, or forget to put an extra flint under your pillow, it’s MY fault, and I deserve the cold shoulder that you offer as a result. As long as I tend to you as I should, I know that you’ll never let me down. I love you, Zippo.